I love Britt Nicole's voice. It's amazing. If I could have the gift of singing, I wish I could be gifted with her voice. It's amazing. Her song "The Lost Get Found" is a great song too! Heck, all her songs are pretty radtastic!

Well, weekly update time! What can I say..hmmm.....Today at church our pastor Dale talked about imitation. How we should imitate Paul to walk with Christ. And how we should invest in others. Talk to others. Encourage others to know Christ. I'm all for that idea. I'd love to speak more about the love of Christ but it's super difficult. I let the smallest human things hinder me. I'm incredibly shy and anti-social because of that shyness. But I'd love to do more.

There has been a new guy, Brian, speaking at our college group lately and he has some really good ideas and I'm looking forward to them. I'm hoping that the college group would be willing to come up with one good idea and stick to it. We don't have to change the city..yet...but we can help bring a change in the life of a loved one...especially one who does not know Christ. It's best if everything starts "at home" before one moves beyond their backyard.

After all, "love came to show us the way and love is a chance we should take".

=]

I hope that I God can use me in an awesome way! 

There's so much more I have on my mind that I need to get out, but I think I feel like writing it out instead.

Ah, I'm wondering what God has in store!

Since I posted a book review in my other blog, I decided that I will put my emotions and all that good stuff in this blog! :DD

Hmmm...where to start, where to start...
Oh! Last week went well, I think. I don't quite remember it, haha. Monday..school...and dancing! I think that's what I did! Yeah, Samba..that was fun. Tuesday, school and then teaching Bible-study at community groups. That was fun. Then I had my friend attempt to teach me how to play guitar. Keyword here is "attempt". My nails were too long to learn so I trimmed them, hopefully he can teach me this week if he's not crabby. But this is pretty much what happened during the lesson:
Jakob: Okay..put your ringer finger on this (I forgot what chord I was learning and what fret and string and whatnot) fret.
Serena: Okay *presses*
J: Okay, and put your middle finger here...
S: Okay...*presses*...*fails*...uhmm..my fingers don't like this! I think my nails are getting in the way!
J: They are, but you're also holding the guitar wrong
S: Eee..really? It's too wide! >_<
J: Okay let's switch *switches guitars*..better
S: A little. Okay..middle finger..ring finger...
J: Stop holding the guitar awkwardly, keep your thumb here and give it balance! >.<
S:Sorry!
J:Stop saying sorry!
*A minute later with the fingers in the right position*
J:Okay, now strum...*Makes a normal guitar sound*
S:'Kay....*Makes a dying pig sound on guitar* O_o...that wasn't right
J:No..put more pressure on the strings.
S:FIne..*tries again and fails*
J:No, like this *Pushes fingers hard against the strings* Now try it.
S:*Makes the right sound* Okay! But that's hard! I can't keep that much pressure on my fingers..I fail. -__-
Okay...and after that, he got scared, then Danielle came over and then we left. Lesson learned..I am musically challenged.

Wednesday was my dance class again and we learned to play instruments..it was a drum so I was okay, haha. I just hit it when the teacher told me to. :p But I really liked the way he explained Samba music. It was how I viewed all the music I like. Samba comes from the heart. You feel it and then you play what you feel. Samba is in you. It makes you want to dance. Sure. not all the music makes me want to dance, but when I listen to music..I love it. It's great to listen to. I love it when beats start to feel like my heartbeat. It's just a moment of pure bliss.

Thursday...uhm, school. Friday I saw "Where the WIld Things Are" with Nat and Jaymie. It was an okay movie...I had higher expectations so it didn't completely please me. Then after lunch Jaymie and I wandered Carlsbad Village...I love C-bad! :DD Then I had dinner with her and her mom. Saturday..I read...did homework..all that good fun stuff.

Sunday was church and I was in the 2 year old room like every third Sunday. It's always fun. This week Mike (the person who supervises with me) and I had 8 kids. Two of them (twin girls) were being potty-trained. The parents even brought their little potty things too. So that was hectic for me. Uggh..but like Rachel said "Training for the future right?" Haha..I suppose...but....ugggh. -___-; Sooo stressful! Then after that I went to talked to the others after church like normal...and I swear my friend has like..male PMS...lately we've been on really good terms, and then yesterday he was all "rawr I will eat you!" okay, maybe not that extreme, but he was obviously not a happy camper. I know he gets like that sometimes, and I wonder why. Maybe he's just weird like me. But ehh..I wish we wee good enough friends so that he could confide in me. So I was in a funk for a few hours after that. And then there was college group and I talked to Naomi who is 5 months pregnant. She's going to name her daughter "Layla Marie" which I think is super cute. We chatted a bit and she's really nice. Then she asked me if I ever wanted kids. Of course, in my mind I always think, yes, I do. But instead to her I just said "if God wills it". Because I felt it would be weird if I said "Yes I want kids". I mean I'm just 18. To friends my age, it's easy to admit I want kids, and in my mind, it's easy to think too. But for some reason I found it would be odd if I said it out loud to her. Hum...I'm just weird. -___-

So...as far as my week went..it was okay. Pretty calm. :)

Today was uneventful..I finished another book and I had school. Tomorrow I'm doing the Bible-study thing all over again and Wednesday I have a mid-term in dance. Yepp..uneventful.

As for my to-do list...this is what I've come up with:

-Pray more about Bible-study and Sunday school
-Pray more in general
-More Bible time
-Stop procrastinating
-Learn to bake cookies from scratch
-Have more God time
-Ask Him to keep my emotions in check more
-Watch my tongue
-Stop stressing about the small things
-Learn to understand I'm not going to be number one in certain people's lives. Not even number 2 or 3 or 10. Just be grateful that I am there.
-I need running shoes
-Get a job because I need new clothes and gas money...things are getting really tight (money wise -.-') and I don't want to bother Mom about such trivial matters...I need new tires...
-I have a personality that irks even me.

So yeah..obviously, I haven't been spending much time with God...sad sad realization....

Hmm, i suppose it's been a while since I've last posted in this blog. I guess it's because I didn't have any religious point I wanted to make. Oh well...I had one, and then I got too lazy so I ended up not blogging about it, obviously...or else it would be here....anyway!

Let's see...any new updates? Well..I don't know. Not really. Yes and no, sort of. I guess no because there's nothing really interesting in my life, and yes, because..well, things happen in life.

For the last couple of days (the weekend, pretty much) I've been in a bit of a funk. I guess since I heard about Michael Pyper's passing I became more introspective. I started thinking about my own life and life in general. I mainly wonder how God works and I want to understand His plan better.

Sometimes when I talk to people, I try t think ahead of them, if that makes sense. If I've known the person long enough I'll be like "hmmm, after I say this, this person will either respond like this or like this." Sometimes I'm right, and I can guess a person, but sometimes I'm wrong and I'm not surprised. I try to do that with God sometimes.

I'd LOVE to figure out His plans. I'd LOVE it if I could be all "hmm...He is probably trying to teach me this, or teach me that." Is that a sin? To try to figure out God? I don't think it is...O_o  Anyway! Obviously, I'll never know what He has in store. When I think about Him like this, I think of my own life. I think of all the events I've been through that led me to this exact spot, to this exact moment where I am today. I think of all the people in my life. Why are they here in my life? Obviously, I don't mean it in a mean or bad way like "grrr, why are you here, I don't want you", but in a "huh...why are we friends?"

Relationships are formed for reasons known to God only. Sometimes I wonder what certain relationships mean to me...what will happen with them in the next few years? Like, for example...I had a best friend a while ago and all that stuff happened in winter of 2007 and yeah, she hates me now. When I look back on it, I guess she played an important role in my life...well, I know she did. Today, I wonder why she was in my life (again, not in a mean sense). Why did God allow us to become friends? Maybe I'm just dense. Maybe I should be able to see the answer now, but I kinda can't. I've formed some theories....maybe He wanted me to have the experience of a friend like her for a future reference or something. Or maybe He is/was trying to show me something through that friendship....I don't know.

Another example....well...uggh, haha, I hate writing about them...one, because I feel like a foolish person, and two, because it's ridiculous how important they are to me. It really is.

Well, anyway...so this family I'm fond of...why are they in my life? I often wonder that? I love them all very dearly, and on most days I know they love me too...the only days I'm not certain about that is when they threaten to push me into the pool, and then I get kinda doubtful about their love (just kidding!!)...but anyway, why are they in my life?

During the whole ordeal with my Dad, a few weeks before he passed away, even the last couple of months before his passing, I met Tom, who was my teacher at the time. The class was Creative Writing. The thing is, I remember the summer before freshman year knowing that I wanted to take that class. I had it in mind that sometimes in my next four years I would take that class. And did I take it? Yes...but only in senior year...I had to squeeze it in. And it was during senior year that all that stuff happened with my dad. And Tom was there. Somehow I felt as though I could talk to him most out of everyone else in my life who knew I was struggling..not my brothers or sisters because I wanted to show them that I could be strong (I'm the baby in the family), not my friends because I reallly didn't want to burden them with my troubles they didn't need to deal with that (I mean, senior year...it's a time to be happy, right?), so for some reason, Tom was someone who listened. Maybe it was because when I was in the high school youth group and he was leader he felt compelled to check up on me, or I don't know...and after Dad's passing, he would ask me how I was doing and he would still care.

And...uggh...I don't want to use his name...EVERYONE who knows me knows who he is and who I'm talking about, but ugggh! I don't wanna use his name...so..uggh..I feel soooo dumb when I type this out, but here goes...and then...there's Tom's and Juliet's son (one of them -___-)...I wonder why he's in my life. I mean it is possible to know Tom or Juliet without being close to either son, but I wonder why he's in my life. I wonder what compels me to strive every time to be his friend...and I wonder why I like him. Why him? I mean...what makes him so special? I know I'll never end up with him (much to my heart's dismay), unless God decides otherwise, but what makes me like him? What makes me cry over him sometimes? What makes me try so hard. I mean, a few years from now if I look back, what will I have learned from this? Will I have gained better insight on this?

And...why am I still friends with them, Tom, Juliet, Niko, and Jakob....well, not so much on the Niko part, I haven't seen him in forever and a day, some sometimes not so much on the Jakob part...

Of course I still miss my dad, but now...the grieving for the most part is over...sure, I still cry, but still. I'm not in mourning. Does God have a plan for them in my life? If my season of mourning is over...does that mean my season of being close to them is over?

I know this post is soo soooo stupid, but I just needed something to break the silence. It wasn't very spiritual either. I think that I want to do weekly posts to see how my walk is going...I hope I can do that...if I'm not lazy.

Ehhh.....

bed time.

Why is it so easy to stop talking to God? Really....why? Somedays I'm in a constant prayer, I forget to pay attention in class because I'm praying. Some days I'm just not "here and available" because I'm so set on talking to Christ and I just can't see anything past it. But how is it that on other days, besides my prayers for meals and before I go to sleep and just a random "God help me with this or that", how is it that I can forget to talk to Him?

  Among many other things, I view Christ as a friend. I don't forget to talk to friends, at least, if they're close. If it's a close friend I don't forget to talk to them for a day or a week or however long. Just when I have nothing to say I don't talk. But when it comes to Jesus, the closest friend of all, it should be different. I mean, even when there's nothing to say, there's always something.    A simple "Jesus thank you for today" or a "Thank you for this beauty that you created" or just praising Him for life and His goodness! There's always something! But what in my mind makes me forget to do so?

Is there something in my mind, a block that tells me no I shouldn't pray, no I shouldn't give God the glory today? Perhaps, the enemy is always trying to do that to people. What makes me so susceptible to his ploys though?

It's a funny thought though, now that I think about it. Okay, so maybe it's not funny, but in a way it is....

Huh, well that's my food for thought. God, why do I forget to talk to You sometimes? .___.
 

So a couple of days ago I finished reading the book "Thirteen Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. It was a really good book, considering it was his first, and  I really enjoyed Asher's writing style. I spent the entire day reading it so, for me, it was a relatively easy read and very captivating.

Basically it's a story about a girl named Hannah Baker who commits suicide. Before her suicide, she records tapes with 13 names on it, listing 13 people as reasons for her death. Clay Jensen, a boy who had a crush on her is one of the names of the tapes, and as he listens to her story, going through all the tapes, it also tells his story, which takes place in a single night. I loved the way Asher wrote both Clay's and Hannah's tales together, it was very creative.

When I finished this book, I started thinking about the topic of suicide and depression, and teen angst and all that good stuff. Hannah, I've come to realize was extremely selfish. She also took things too personally. But the drastic action of taking her own life was incredibly selfish. She knew there were people who cared about her (ie parents and others) but she chose to build up her walls and keep people away instead of allowing them to help her and love on her. Speaking from personal expierience this tale was heart-breaking. I know what it's like to be so low that nothing else seems to matter except for building up the walls but at the time I didn't realize how selfish it was. I didn't see it. And now reading the book with a different mind set showed me what it was like.

Suicide is a very scary subject. When a person commits suicide they either think that they won't affect anyone else but they do. They hurt one person. That person hurts another person because they're sad and hurting. And so on and so forth. It effects a lot of people. And it's incredibly selfish. Who knows maybe depression leads to blindness. People can't see what's in front of them. They can't see the hands reaching out to pick them up. They can't see the arms waiting to catch, and they can't see the faces so worried and sad. And most importantly, they can't see Jesus who longs to save them as well.

I don't know. Suicide is just a very touchy subject for me. It's one of those car-crash kind of subjects. I know it's bad. I know people are effected by it everyday, but somehow, I just can't turn away from it. It's......enthralling.

ANYWAY, more on ugly emotions.....

So a friend came back from a missions trip that lasted 6 months and Peru. I'm really glad she's back, I missed her from time to time and I kept her in my prayers. The only thing that bugs me is...now that she's back the flirting comes with her as well. We went to her house after College Group and...I can't think of the right word for it...jealousy?....anger?....I don't remember, all I know is that it wasn't a very pretty emotion.

Well she comes back, and right away, there's flirting. And I guess I was angry. I was angry as I wondered, how can someone come back after six months and have those two boys flirt with her as if she's been gone for only 3 days. It's disgusting. I don't blame her. Not entirely. I do blame those boys and their stupidity...gaaah! >.< I guess the only blame I put on her is for egging them on. Who knows? Maybe she does it on purpose. Or maybe she's one of those natural flirts that don't realize they're doing it. >.< I don't know.

Don't get me wrong. I really like this girl, she's really nice. I would consider her a friend. I just don't enjoy her antics. I am praying to God that he can take away these emotions that hinder me so that I can hopefully be friends with her for her. That I can see more goodness in her and such.




So, after I do things, I replay the situation in my mind and I try to see how I acted. Last night, as I think on it now, I completely embarrassed myself. Well, I'm embarrassed to think about it. I'm still kinda blue today it gets worse and better at times, right now I'm neutral about it. Anyway, I was at a friend's house and when I' with him...I guess it would be because....I guess I do like him when I tell myself I don't (still trying to figure this one out..)...I want to know that I don't imagine friendship. I'm always so insecure when it comes to him. Are we friends or not. So it leads me to say stupid things around him. And I know he knows it. It's quite obvious. Whenever he's around I'm always hating on myself for the smallest things. It annoys even me. God's love is enough, more than enough for me...but...is it still wrong to want to know that it's all in my head? To want to know he's not faking or anything? I don't think it's wrong. It also kinda sucks when you think the same thoughts about some family members as well. It's different around them though. I don't hang around them enough to let it bother me as much. But I do have the same feelings of insecurities and self-hatred around them as well...

Neeeeh....I have another blog! It's mainly used for an experiment I'm conducting which will hold my extreme emotions such as anger, depression, and bursts of joy...and also other whimsical things I think up! (:

   So today I've been kind of down in the dumps, or rather up and down up and down. As the day faded to night my mood pretty much went "blllllaaaaaah" and I've been going down from there. So, as I lied there and stared at the ceiling and thought about my life and wallowed I started to pray.

Why God? Why me? Why can't I just except who I am? Why can't I except your INFINITE love for me?

Pulling out my Bible and saying a quick prayer for insight and wisdom I randomly opened it and read a few passages. The first thing I opened to was 2 Thessalonians. It's only a couple chapters long and the third to last verse goes: "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every situation..." (NLT version). This verse encouraged me and I read the other chapter. For some reason as I read of I thought of my dad giving me his infamous life advice and just talking to me. In the chapter there was the phrase "stand firm", and that was one of my dad's favorite phrases. "Stand firm in your faith".

Encouraged to read on I flipped around some more and I stopped and read Psalm 81. I believe the second half of that chapter was made for me. And that's what caused me to journal this entry. I really want to talk to someone about it but since it's kinda late and my friends are out having a good time ice-skating, journaling will work just fine. (:

The second half of Psalm 81 (starting at verse 6) is about how God's people (Israel, in the verses) cried out to God in times of trouble and he answered from the thunderclouds. But then God spoke and Israel didn't listen and started worshiping foreign gods. God allowed them to be stubborn and live according to their ideas, but all the while he waited for his people to listen to him once more. He longed for them to call out to him so he could aid them and strike down their foes. hose who hated Him cringed from Him, but He only wished to satisfy them with the best.

The last verses spoke to me as I realized what I've been doing for so long.

Perfection has become my god. Starving myself has been my way of worshiping it. I've become so obsessed with looking good and being perfect and not eating to be pretty that I started worshipping what I've been doing. I've been praising God all the while, praying to Him, going to church to worship him, but in the back of my mind, I was unaware of it, perfection and starvation were my true gods.

I knew something was really wrong. I dunno, this is just me, but at first a few months back when I was....better, I suppose, I'd pray and I'd be instantly calmed. But recently, I prayed but my insides were still uptight. I wasn't relaxed I found no peace. That led me to question God even more. Where was he? Did he not hear me? Was I doing something wrong? Was I being bad? What's going on?

Finding Psalm 81, I guess I found my answer. God longs to take away my suffering, He's been there the ENTIRE time. His hands were held out and he waited for me to take them, but I didn't, instead I went in the opposite direction. So he let me. He let me live life according to what I thought was best. He watched as I sunk further and further waiting for the lights to go on in my head and turn around and go back to Him. He knew he could strike down the demons disguised as illusions I've been fighting on my own, but he waited for me to call unto Him for help. He knows he can satisfy me and end my hurt, but He's waiting for me to admit it and go back to him.

And I am. I'm going back to Him. But I'm so scared. I don't deserve Him. He's so forgiving and wonderful and awesome and....He's God! But sometimes I feel that I'm going to wear out my chances of forgiveness. When I stray, I guess I do know when I stray and I guess I do walk away from Him and I know it. I don't deny that He is God, but I push His hands away and tell Him that I don't want his help. I guess I'm afraid one day he's going to tell me I'm on my own, I know that's not true but deep down in the pits of my heart I am so uncertain.

I do know that right now all I can do is pray. Give back to God what is His. Be still before Him. I created my own personal storm, and now I have to learn how to let go and let him take over again.
 

Sometimes, I'm not going to lie, I wish I was in a relationship. Other times, most of the time, I'm glad I'm not in one. Why? Because society has belittled relationships and love and made it something so small and trivial, taking away it's true meaning. It's sad to see what media and the world has done to relationships. It makes a pure love almost become impure at times. 

Those days I wish I was in a relationship start for all the wrong reasons, to be honest. When I pin-point why I want one is for all the wrong reasons. I want someone to talk to. Someone to be with. Someone to hold my hand. Someone to kiss. Someone to know me inside and out. Someone to keep me from being lonely. Someone to be my other half. Basically, a lot of the time it's for lustful reasons. I try to reason with myself and tell myself that there's something deeper there but in the end I know it's just me caving to the pressures of the world that say I'm not complete without that significant other.

But in the right state of mind, when I know who I am and who God sees me as, all that is a load of bull.

For as long as I can remember, before I truly started my relationship with God and I was just a believer in Him, I always knew I wanted a long term relationship. I used to see people go out and break up in the span of three weeks. I've seen girls go crazy for guys one month and the next they ignore them in hallways and vice versa. I've seen people give themselves away only to break up soon after and hate that other person's guts. That was never my thing. As a little kid and a younger teen I knew that when it was my time, I knew that I'd date someone because I love them. I knew that if I dated them it'd be for a while.

My views are still pretty much the same, but now there's another twist to it. Now I know that I will not date anyone unless I know I have the potential of marrying that person. There is very very very little room for exceptions. Also, this thought branches off of the idea of comparing. I would hate to compare who was better and all that. No matter what I say, or anyone says for that matter, we will compare, we can't help it. And for me, I know I'd feel terrible for having that in the back of my mind. Other reasons for this view on dating is purity, and my insecurity.

I will admit at this point in my life, I'm insecure about everything. I know that I would be a terrible person to be with because I am constantly down on myself, I do things to myself that aren't necessarily the greatest thing for a person to do, and I would always be looking to my significant other for reassurance. I know that if I was dating someone, I would always look to him for approval. I would most likely hang on his every word, get so deep into it that I would forget myself so at a snap of his fingers I would change things about myself because I'd want him to "always love me". And that's really sad. He'd become my "god" in the end. And when that relationship is over I would be left in a worst state than how I entered. So...bad timing for dating!

Purity is also important to me. I don't want to have a string of people behind me. I want to be pure of heart when I become married. That's a big motivation for me when it comes to keeping my views on dating. Yep. That's it. =]
 

   

Today was the day we finally laid Dad to rest, and boy, there was a lot of people who showed up for him! Not only was there family, but there was a lot of friends too. Last night, at the visitation reception I met people who I've never seen before. They would tell me that they knew Dad from way back when, when they worked at the power plant or at the plumbing service together. And each had one common memory, or one common thing to say about Dad, be they friend or family: he was a good man, a blessing. And he truly was.

But before I get deeper into that I just want to elaborate on the service a little. We gave Dad what he wanted, a military honor funeral (the onewhere the military shoots the guns and what not..I forgot it's proper name..). Many people showed up for him, like I said, and it was rare to see a dry eye in the chapel. Dad had touched many people's lives. Watching the casket go down at the very end wasn't that difficult. I knew what we were putting into the ground was just and empty shell - the man I had grown to love, My papa was already in Heaven, smiling down on us.

Yes, he was a blessing. One story my brother shared with me was a story one of Dad's old friends told my brother. Basically, Dad's friend was going to the store (way back when), and it was just a little market, and there was this big guy, a really big guy that people called "Bear". So Bear and one of his friends tried to get into a fight with Dad's friend by provoking him and bugging him. Then Dad rolls up in his car and he sees these guys picking on his friend and he set them straight. It's always been like that. Dad never liked it when someone picked on his friends or family members. Dad used to get into so many fights because someone was bugging a friend...I guess that's where I get that feeling from, haha!

And as Theresa an old family friend spoke, and Freddy, Dad's nephew, spoke, there was a similarity in their memories. Dad's wish came true, he was a blessing. Dad had been partially handicapped (physically) for almost twenty years and he considered himself a burden. He would always tell me that even though he knew he couldn't do anything to help people the way he wanted to, he just worked hard in smiling through the pain that hopefully just the mere prescence of him would be a blessing and a testimony, and he was just that. A blessing. Dad's pastor uses him as an example. So many people skip out of church because they have a cold or minor headache or whatever, but Dad was in constant pain, 24/7 day in day out, he suffered but he still made a habit of going to church whenever he could. It was his favorite thing to do, next to being with family. He never skipped unless there was a dire need.

And another thing, to talk about Dad, you talk about the Lord. Everything Dad did involved the Lord somehow some way. He treated everything like a miracle. He was grateful for everday. Whenever you talked to him he wouldn't hesitate to tell you about his love for God. Whenever you asked him how he was or if you would see him later, he would either respond with a "if God allows it.." or a "...thanks to the good Lord".

There was a verse that describes Dad really well, but silly me, I forgot where it's found and how it goes...but basically it just said to cover up your sins with love (obviously you ask Christ to forgive you, but youget the point), Dad knew that very well. He wasn't a perfect man, far from it. He used to get very mad, there were times that when I just wanted to leave the house and never come home because I didn't want to be around him. But other times I just wanted to snuggle up and stay with him. He knew that he wasn't perfect, he just tried to be the best he could be through Christ. He loved each of his family members, from his seven kids, to his grandchildren, and to his great-grand-child.

So now as I gradually continue to move forward I'll always know him as, of course, my Papa, but also as a blessing. Throughout his life he was the epitome of love. He just loved to the best of his ability, and I'll try to do that too. I hope when I get older and raise my own family...well I hope I won't be as angry or mean (>___<), but I hope I'll love just as much. And I hope I'll be a blessing like Dad. I know I can't do much for people because in my own opinion I'm just a face in the crowd, but I hope someone will be able to look at me and see me as a blessing too. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be the best I can be. Just like my Dad.

But he was better.

Much, much better.


To a man who was a great father and blessing...I love you.
I'll see you laer, okay? Our family will have the ultimate reunion in heaven...but of course, we'll always be a bit late so there will be some waiting...and when we all get together we'll all sing the songs you love to Christ. Oh, and we'll grow, you know our family, over a hundred of us and some of us are still young! We'll grow. So, until then, I love you Papa!